Good enough

I've learnt a lot of things being on internship. Among the things I've learnt, one of them is actually learning about people and see how they act and react. Not in a sense whereby I analyse their every move, but more of just observing, and understanding why people do what they do.

I've been told by my colleague that, "People are okay. Just talk to them. Sometimes they're a bit shy." "But I'm shy too.." "Never mind. If they don't want to talk, don't feel offended. It's okay."

I've developed this attitude and mindset that if something happens, and if I don't like that thing or situation that happened, I will accept and move on with a smile. Although it may take a while to feel okay and fully accept that situation.

If something I want doesn't happen,
It's okay.

If things don't go a certain way,
It's okay.

Sometimes I wonder why we always settle for just okay. Maybe because from okay we can change it to become something that's good or better. 'Okay' is like a benchmark. A 50% of a hundred. A just-pass. It's 'good enough'. Is it really?

But sometimes something that's okay can become bad too..

I don't know.

I guess it depends on how we see things and which side we want to accept more.

I used to be a person who always sees the bad in everything. A pessimist. Or rather I would call myself a realist in a way because I over-analysed things to the point where I felt that things won't work out or things won't be okay. I thought that it makes sense.

Over-analysing and worrying and "trying to make things better" (although it makes things worse) proved to be tiring and was a downright spiral towards the abyss. Slowly I got better and I started to look on the brighter side of things.

It felt nice.

I still have problems viewing myself in the positive light though. I just can't. I feel ugly in a sense that I believe I'm a bad person and a rotten individual.

Because I am..

Enough about that.

On the way home from work, I wondered how it would be like if strangers would randomly smile and interact with each other. Lately I find myself smiling to random people I see. A habit I picked up from work. It surprises me that people do actually smile back and they're not really that scary as I thought. Even though initially they look intimidating.

As an introvert, even saying Hi takes a lot of effort. Accepting a phone call, making a phone call, and talking to random strangers were some of the things that I found terrifying. I guess I can say that internship helps a lot in my social anxiety to make me.. less socially anxious. I'm really thankful for that.

Sometimes talking to strangers feels nice. Mainly because they don't know us in a personal level. It's just at that one moment where we were inside each other's bubble. We have no past with each other, nor may we have a future with them. But in that present moment, we were in each other's lives. We're like each other's calefares. Calefares may not play a huge part, but calefares are important.

Maybe my colleague is right. People are okay.

Maybe okay is enough.

Maybe one day things will be okay.

It's 2am and I'm not sure if this post makes any sense.

But that's okay :)