Tempting thoughts

Assalamualaikum.

Nothing really 'interesting' happened these past few days so I wasn't sure if I should write anything actually.

These past few days had been quite tiring honestly. I'm not complaining because alhamdulillah, because of that, my thoughts didn't roam around often. Tho I can admit that there were days which were a bit unbearable and it's hard for me to have that strong front and the constant smile on my face but I managed to pull through.

Yesterday was fun. I was offered to relief for an Iqra' class for two months at 8 am to 1 pm every Saturday. This is pretty exciting for me because I've always wanted to have a 'job' and I really like teaching so alhamdulillah, even if it's just for 2 months I'll do my best insyaAllah. I started yesterday and it was pretty good. What I have to do is that, I have to individually listen to their readings and correct them and then grade them. So I guess it's quite easy to manage, alhamdulillah.

It's fun. It's nice to talk to kids. They're very honest, and it's a big deal to me. It's easy to talk to them and they're really friendly. hehe they make me happy!! :D

After that, I rushed to the National Library to meet my teammates for discussion. It was a pretty short discussion since half of the team (there's 4 of us) needed to go off soon. We walked around for a while and had lunch at Pastamania! It was a nice day. It's nice walking around in my white baju kurung. I wore a pink scarf and a hot pink ribbon brooch too!

I don't know what's with me and pink lately. It seems like I've been wearing pink a lot these days. I used to really hate pink for some reason. But I find it really nice now after really looking at it and appreciating it's beauty (chey). I'm actually starting to like it. Oh what ever happened to the girl who constantly wore black like her life depended on it.

So how's progress with my recovery?

Well honestly, there are ups and downs and I'm not really sure. Sometimes my thoughts get so tempting and it keeps wanting to get into that danger zone so I have this constant battle within myself to not succumb and drown into that ocean of unwanted thoughts again.

I've started writing poetry again because of that, alhamdulillah. And they're not depressing either so that's good! Progress!

I've always been interested in poetry and spoken word. I hope one day I'll get the chance to do that. I've always wanted to be heard one way or another. I won't say things I don't believe in and I hope one day people would want to know a piece of my mind and listen to what I have to say.

I want to make a difference, but I don't know how. I don't want my existence to be in vain. I want to matter.
But I'm just me. I'm just a 19 year old whose dreams are bigger than her capabilities. I've been a failure for all my life as long as I can remember. I don't want that anymore. When I think about it, it scares me how disappointed I would be with myself.

Hmm, so I don't know..

I would like to try though. So let's see how things will go :)

Tomorrow's the start of a new week! This means PPTs, RJs, discussions, and coming home late! It's alright. I just have to remember to take care of my health so I won't pull my team down and be a burden.

Everything will be fine, insyaAllah.

Until next time. You take care too alright. School is important, but so are you.